Salmah Luth J

Ive been feeling so lost lately. Like im looking for something but I dont know what that is. I feel like there is this hole inside my heart that needs to be filled. I used to think that it is maybe because Im bored, knowing that I am always alone and happened that I always have so much time. Last semester, I vow to be less anti social, make more friends and socialize more so that I wont be bored anymore because I thought i was bored, turns out Im not bored but it is something else. Something that I dont even know how to explain. Like how do I explain something that I dont even understand myself. I do have more friends now, more that i could ever imagined. I went to parties. I did have fun though, but the empty feeling is still there, up till today. I am not sad or depressed or whatever. I am happy, truly genuinely happy with everything that is happening in my life but I feel empty inside. I feel like my heart and my soul is longing to be filled with something but i have absolutely no...

Ive been so blessed by God and Im thankful for that. There werent any days that He doesnt listen to me. I still remember the day I prayed for every single thing that I have now. I owe Him too much. I dont do much, I sins on a daily basis, I do things that He forbids me from doing but He keeps on giving and giving. I woke up everyday to all these blessings in life that I personally think is too much for me who dont do much.

Why do people get into relationship when they know that they can never commit to one person and they honestly dont have what it takes to be in a relationship? I met some people who already has a partner but still is flirting with some other girls/boys. Not to mention, some even has their partner pictures on their social media account, portraying how happy and unproblematic their relationship is when the fact is that he has few sidehoes in line. I am honestly in a total confusion here. Like why would you put your life at risk by being in a relationship. Do you know that it is consider cheating only if you have a partner. Honestly i just dont get it. Seriously if you know that you belong to the trash criteria, dont ever think of being in a relationship. Just go out and have fun flirting with everyone. Dont get yourself a partner. Less hassle, no more deleting whatsapp convos, DMs on a daily basis cause you know who the hell cares. And look at all the zero possibility that you will get c...

When will I be good enough is the question that i ask myself a lot lately. As much as i appear to be strong and cold and bold, focused and unbothered but duh i do cry myself to sleep every night with the thoughts of when will i ever be good enough. These days i tend to push people away from me and only god knows how my loneliness is killing me every single day with having absolutely no one to talk to, no shoulders to cry on, no one to ajak makan, no one to laugh with or should i say the one that actually care and not just someone who are there just because you tell them to. Lately my hormones have been playing around making me feel sick and emotional most of the damn time and with me being a lonely ass is just a disaster. Ive been sleep deprived, losing appetite to eat and the list goes on and on. It is 2 am in the morning now and i have no absolute idea why am i still awake. Well I am really hoping that this is just a phase that i have to face and not a never ending phase that i have ...

Unlike any other girls, im not that fond of what skincare i use. As long as it is good with my skin, i would be devoted to that one product as far as im still breathing. Some girls i know they do like hella lotsa research on how to get a clear glass skin, some even cleanse their face tons of time in a day just to make sure that their skin is free from oil and dirt. Whilst me on the other hand, i cleanse my face once a day lol. I dont cleanse my face with cleanser right after i wake up from sleep because i feel like it will makes my face dull. I dont know i made that theory up so dont ikut me.  I usually cleanse my face with my all time favourite the body shop tea tree cleanser. Ive been using this cleanser since December 2016 and up till now. Before that i was using Cetaphil but i dont know, it just doesnt work on my skin. So yeah i honestly dont know what to feel at that moment, i dont really care. I had forehead full of pimple, my face was really oily, and my skin was dull...

I still remember waking up every morning listening to voice of you reciting the words from the Holy Quran. And then you'll wake me up from sleep just by calling my name softly, god i will never forget that voice. And sometimes when i am too lazy to iron my school uniform, you will iron it for me even when it was already late at night and when you dropped me at school you will always help me to look the best because you know how your daughter gets if she looks bad in the morning. 11 years of schooling, you have been there for me sending and taking me back from school, extra classes, tuition classes, school activities say it 6am or 6pm. You have always been my number one supporter. You support me in everything that i am doing. You free your time to be with me, to make sure I am happy. You will bring me my favourite drink everytime you pick me up from school. I still have that sight of you waiting for me patiently, sweating infront of my school gate. A sight that i never want to forge...